Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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