I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
