Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
