I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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