oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
