She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize