O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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