I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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