Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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