"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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