No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
