I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
