Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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