I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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