standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
