I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
