why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
