Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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