So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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