I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
