wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize