im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
