4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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