I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
