when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
