I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
