and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
