my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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