My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
