i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
