You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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