so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
