y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
