These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
