Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
