i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
