i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
