Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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