can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
