I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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