Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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