We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
