Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
