Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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