I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
