He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
