I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
