And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
