I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
