I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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