I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
tell me about the eggs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
