Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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