i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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