sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
