hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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