Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
time to smoke my breakfast
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
