You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
