Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
