So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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