cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize