apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
