I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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