I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
