God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
