Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
