took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
